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January 28th, 2008
04:16 pm
i fell in love too early; i fell in love with my best friend. I felt the butterflies and sweaty palms when I was barely 16. I fell head over heels and then landed on my ass 2 1/2 years later. It's been almost a year since we broke up and I still have to fight the temptation not to pick up the phone and call him to just chat. I wish I could go at least a week, month,anything without thinking about him or without something reminding me of him...
I picked up the phone last night, I hit the ultimate low; i just needed someone to turn to and I knew he would be there. So we talked for 2 hours and caught up on the months of missed joys, sorrows and laughters. I agreed to meet, just to talk and for brunch. I dont think I can go through with it. If I told him the truth he would know I still love him but if I go I don't think I'd be able to handle a civil conversation.
i'm at a standstill. I miss my best friend, I miss my first love but I dont know which evil I should pick
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October 17th, 2007
12:47 pm
goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend.
Who would have thought that saying goodbye to 4-wheels and a motor would be so difficult. So much happened in the tinkmobile: hands on the back window, roadtrips, fights, accidently hitting cars.
So many memories and so little time. goodbye in t-minus 3 days
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July 22nd, 2007
03:21 pm
her lips began to twitch and the corners of her lips started lifting upward. The motion continued until she was smiling, a full face grin. Her eyes lit up. Her face began to ache, her muscles were out of practice. She hadn't fully smiled in what felt like months. She was finally happy, full fledge dictionary definition happy.
I am happy...it is a weird revolation
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June 16th, 2007
04:14 pm
if these are supposed to be some of the best years of my life and things should go so smoothly, why does it often feel like I am stuck in a pot hole?
And why does that stupid theoretical rain cloud follow me around everywhere and just as I'm smiling again does it have to rain on my parade???
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April 22nd, 2007
05:24 pm
Sometimes I facebook creep a person I know I shouldn't because I know that I am not going to like what I see. But I always have this faint hope that they decided that they made a mistake or miss me, so I creep anyway and when I realize that isnt the case I kick myself for checking.
People don't change, or at least they dont change to what I want them to be. I really just have to accept that he isn't my happily ever after and that I am not what he is interested it. I have to come to terms with the fact that I can't have him be part of my life and that I made a mistake in going back the first time. I don't need someone in my life who reduces me to tears every time we talk or I creep; I just need to be happy.
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April 17th, 2007
07:05 pm
And at the end of this first year, I truly believe I am better off then when I started.
Sure I got heart broken, felt disengaged from society and was in a rather confused and horrific state of mind for a bit but I like who I've become. I like the memories and the friends i've made. I like what I am studying. I like my school and I think I made the right choice in coming here.
Being away from home (even if it is only 40 minutes aways) makes you really learn things about yourself and the person you are becoming.You learn learn independance and self reliance. You learn who your true friends because they are the ones who have stuck beside you through it all. I learnt that your real friends are the ones that don't say "i told you so" when you are going through one of the lowest moments of your life instead they are the ones who offer to club the person who hurt you or at the very least offer to go for coffee to talk it over.
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April 9th, 2007
10:10 pm
I love being at home just because I can eat cabury creme eggs and watch the Hills without regret or the knowledge that I should be doing something more preductive.
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April 4th, 2007
01:41 pm
Sometimes late at night when I am staring up at my ceiling, I wish I could be a bigger person. I wish I could be supportive, maybe forgive you and forget about all the questions that I want to ask you but am too scared to actually hear the answers.
Sometimes I have to pinch myself, because I can't believe that I am living this nightmare. I have to double check that this is reality. I have to convince myself that life gets better and what doesnt kill me, makes me stronger. I have to realize that I did nothing wrong and that it is okay to trust people and fall in love because eventually I will find true love and I won't get hurt anymore.
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March 28th, 2007
09:06 am
i feel liberated today...so much so that i decided to go commando today.
I love this feeling of freedom
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March 24th, 2007
09:03 pm
sometimes I wish I could just take people's advice instead of being pigheaded; it would save me so much heart break and disappointment.
If only I had listened earlier, I wouldn't be back here now...weeks later with a bleeding heart and tear stained cheeks.
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March 7th, 2007
10:54 am
so sometimes you just have to suck it up and put on a fake smile and pretend to enjoy yourself. You have to be the better person and deal with the stupidity of others and not complain. You have to act like you are having a grand old time when in reality you didn't picture the trip that you originally pictured.
Lets just say that next weekend is going to be very very long and that i am thinking that if i have low expectations I might actually have an okay time.
just maybe i might be able to enjoy myself.
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January 26th, 2007
11:49 am
i can't figure out what to do... i really want someone to just tell me what do about this situation or give me some advice, i am tired of hearing "i don't know what to tell you, i've never been in this situation."
I would also like you to make up your mind really quick or tell me that you shouldnt have told me that stuff because I can't stand anymore of these sleepless nights. I am getting bags under my eyes.
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January 25th, 2007
08:50 am
i am so confused. My brain is telling me no but my heart is telling me to forgive you and give it another try. I just don't know what to do anymore...
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January 19th, 2007
02:44 pm
paste on that fake smile, suck it up and get on with your life.... easier said then done.
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December 13th, 2006
01:06 pm
Single again and definatly didnt see it coming. I have an exam at 3:00 and i dont think i am emotionally stable enough to drive let alone write the exam.
Lost my best friend and boyfriend in one night... a little harsh isn't it?
Anyway i have to study mcluhan
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November 26th, 2006
03:41 pm
still waiting for...
a) an apology
b) a thank you
c) a full conversation that doesn't involve me getting stuck editing a paper or getting suckered into be a chauffer
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November 25th, 2006
09:59 pm
just because you called, doesn't mean it is all better. I want more than a recognition that you made a mistake, I want an apology and a thank you
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November 24th, 2006
01:32 am
Today was my last offical lecture. Next week is review for exams and then I am off to study. I have three exams and if I survive those, I will have survived my first semester of University. Only 3.5 years left to go.
Wish me luck.
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November 20th, 2006
07:23 pm
This weekend at home was a blast. It was really what I needed before exams start up. Thursday afternoon I went home and visited the gym and watched Grey's Anatomy while eating take-out and chatting on msn, it was relaxing except for the part that I realized I left my laptop charger at school and had to drive back in the middle of the night, on the way back to Markham I stopped off at Scott's and helped his mom make posters. Friday I went shopping with my mom and went out with my parents for dinner. Saturday I worked at Grange, the christmas rush is upon us. Then I went to Tamara's house for dinner and present wrapping. Made a detour to Starbucks then headed back to Scott's to make more posters, then watched TV until 2 in the morning. Sunday I slept in, went to Wal-Mart, went to a craft sale, had some Sudafed, ate dinner and worked on my sister's history project, oh I also cleaned out the tink-mobile in freezing weather while my car was getting gased up at 71.9 cents/L. Then I headed back to school this morning. So all weekend I avoided homework and now have to do it all.
I am getting a little stressed out about my Mass Communications class. I have a portfolio with 13 individual projects due in a little over a week and the projects are pretty much done but the write ups are really difficult. When I was doing the projects I didn't think about what I was learning and now when I am doing this write-ups I am drawing a blank.
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November 6th, 2006
08:30 pm
I remember when I used to be able to handle it all. School, work, a boyfriend, a social life and family. Now I feel like I can't give everything enough attention and I feel guilty for it.
Television makes it all seem so easy. Some how the girls on TV can get great grades in school, find time to have a real relationship, look fantastic, eat well and most of all not stay locked up in their dorm rooms working on essays and doing readings all day.
I wish tv didn't make it all look so easy. Maybe if someone failed an assignment every once in awhile, gained a frosh 15 or maybe decided not to hang out with her friends and stay in one night to work on homework I would feel a little bit better.
Since that doesn't bring in the money for companies, I won't be seeing that anytime soon on TV.
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