Pretty In Pink

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:36:56 GMT

i fell in love too early; i fell in love with my best friend. I felt the butterflies and sweaty palms when I was barely 16. I fell head over heels and then landed on my ass 2 1/2 years later. It's been almost a year since we broke up and I still have to fight the temptation not to pick up the phone and call him to just chat. I wish I could go at least a week, month,anything without thinking about him or without something reminding me of him...
I picked up the phone last night, I hit the ultimate low; i just needed someone to turn to and I knew he would be there. So we talked for 2 hours and caught up on the months of missed joys, sorrows and laughters. I agreed to meet, just to talk and for brunch. I dont think I can go through with it. If I told him the truth he would know I still love him but if I go I don't think I'd be able to handle a civil conversation.

i'm at a standstill. I miss my best friend, I miss my first love but I dont know which evil I should pick

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 16:49:45 GMT

goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend.

Who would have thought that saying goodbye to 4-wheels and a motor would be so difficult. So much happened in the tinkmobile: hands on the back window, roadtrips, fights, accidently hitting cars.

So many memories and so little time. goodbye in t-minus 3 days

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 19:28:23 GMT

her lips began to twitch and the corners of her lips started lifting upward. The motion continued until she was smiling, a full face grin. Her eyes lit up. Her face began to ache, her muscles were out of practice. She hadn't fully smiled in what felt like months. She was finally happy, full fledge dictionary definition happy.

I am happy...it is a weird revolation

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 20:18:32 GMT

if these are supposed to be some of the best years of my life and things should go so smoothly, why does it often feel like I am stuck in a pot hole?

And why does that stupid theoretical rain cloud follow me around everywhere and just as I'm smiling again does it have to rain on my parade???

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 21:33:45 GMT

Sometimes I facebook creep a person I know I shouldn't because I know that I am not going to like what I see. But I always have this faint hope that they decided that they made a mistake or miss me, so I creep anyway and when I realize that isnt the case I kick myself for checking.
People don't change, or at least they dont change to what I want them to be. I really just have to accept that he isn't my happily ever after and that I am not what he is interested it. I have to come to terms with the fact that I can't have him be part of my life and that I made a mistake in going back the first time. I don't need someone in my life who reduces me to tears every time we talk or I creep; I just need to be happy.

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 23:13:25 GMT

And at the end of this first year, I truly believe I am better off then when I started.
Sure I got heart broken, felt disengaged from society and was in a rather confused and horrific state of mind for a bit but I like who I've become. I like the memories and the friends i've made. I like what I am studying. I like my school and I think I made the right choice in coming here.
Being away from home (even if it is only 40 minutes aways) makes you really learn things about yourself and the person you are becoming.You learn learn independance and self reliance. You learn who your true friends because they are the ones who have stuck beside you through it all. I learnt that your real friends are the ones that don't say "i told you so" when you are going through one of the lowest moments of your life instead they are the ones who offer to club the person who hurt you or at the very least offer to go for coffee to talk it over.

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 02:11:24 GMT

I love being at home just because I can eat cabury creme eggs and watch the Hills without regret or the knowledge that I should be doing something more preductive.

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 17:48:56 GMT

Sometimes late at night when I am staring up at my ceiling, I wish I could be a bigger person. I wish I could be supportive, maybe forgive you and forget about all the questions that I want to ask you but am too scared to actually hear the answers.

Sometimes I have to pinch myself, because I can't believe that I am living this nightmare. I have to double check that this is reality. I have to convince myself that life gets better and what doesnt kill me, makes me stronger. I have to realize that I did nothing wrong and that it is okay to trust people and fall in love because eventually I will find true love and I won't get hurt anymore.

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 13:09:12 GMT

i feel liberated today...so much so that i decided to go commando today.

I love this feeling of freedom

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 01:05:19 GMT

sometimes I wish I could just take people's advice instead of being pigheaded; it would save me so much heart break and disappointment.

If only I had listened earlier, I wouldn't be back here now...weeks later with a bleeding heart and tear stained cheeks.

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 16:02:06 GMT

so sometimes you just have to suck it up and put on a fake smile and pretend to enjoy yourself. You have to be the better person and deal with the stupidity of others and not complain. You have to act like you are having a grand old time when in reality you didn't picture the trip that you originally pictured.

Lets just say that next weekend is going to be very very long and that i am thinking that if i have low expectations I might actually have an okay time.

just maybe i might be able to enjoy myself.

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 16:50:09 GMT

i can't figure out what to do... i really want someone to just tell me what do about this situation or give me some advice, i am tired of hearing "i don't know what to tell you, i've never been in this situation."

I would also like you to make up your mind really quick or tell me that you shouldnt have told me that stuff because I can't stand anymore of these sleepless nights. I am getting bags under my eyes.

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 13:51:46 GMT

i am so confused. My brain is telling me no but my heart is telling me to forgive you and give it another try. I just don't know what to do anymore...

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 19:45:57 GMT

paste on that fake smile, suck it up and get on with your life.... easier said then done.

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 17:06:14 GMT

Single again and definatly didnt see it coming. I have an exam at 3:00 and i dont think i am emotionally stable enough to drive let alone write the exam.

Lost my best friend and boyfriend in one night... a little harsh isn't it?

Anyway i have to study mcluhan

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 19:41:33 GMT

still waiting for...
a) an apology
b) a thank you
c) a full conversation that doesn't involve me getting stuck editing a paper or getting suckered into be a chauffer

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 01:59:22 GMT

just because you called, doesn't mean it is all better. I want more than a recognition that you made a mistake, I want an apology and a thank you

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 05:32:21 GMT

Today was my last offical lecture. Next week is review for exams and then I am off to study. I have three exams and if I survive those, I will have survived my first semester of University. Only 3.5 years left to go.

Wish me luck.

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 23:23:40 GMT

This weekend at home was a blast. It was really what I needed before exams start up. Thursday afternoon I went home and visited the gym and watched Grey's Anatomy while eating take-out and chatting on msn, it was relaxing except for the part that I realized I left my laptop charger at school and had to drive back in the middle of the night, on the way back to Markham I stopped off at Scott's and helped his mom make posters. Friday I went shopping with my mom and went out with my parents for dinner. Saturday I worked at Grange, the christmas rush is upon us. Then I went to Tamara's house for dinner and present wrapping. Made a detour to Starbucks then headed back to Scott's to make more posters, then watched TV until 2 in the morning. Sunday I slept in, went to Wal-Mart, went to a craft sale, had some Sudafed, ate dinner and worked on my sister's history project, oh I also cleaned out the tink-mobile in freezing weather while my car was getting gased up at 71.9 cents/L. Then I headed back to school this morning. So all weekend I avoided homework and now have to do it all.

I am getting a little stressed out about my Mass Communications class. I have a portfolio with 13 individual projects due in a little over a week and the projects are pretty much done but the write ups are really difficult. When I was doing the projects I didn't think about what I was learning and now when I am doing this write-ups I am drawing a blank.

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 00:30:57 GMT

I remember when I used to be able to handle it all. School, work, a boyfriend, a social life and family. Now I feel like I can't give everything enough attention and I feel guilty for it.

Television makes it all seem so easy. Some how the girls on TV can get great grades in school, find time to have a real relationship, look fantastic, eat well and most of all not stay locked up in their dorm rooms working on essays and doing readings all day.

I wish tv didn't make it all look so easy. Maybe if someone failed an assignment every once in awhile, gained a frosh 15 or maybe decided not to hang out with her friends and stay in one night to work on homework I would feel a little bit better.
Since that doesn't bring in the money for companies, I won't be seeing that anytime soon on TV.

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 23:14:20 GMT

i will be the first to admit; themed food is kinda corny but at the same time it makes you able to tolerate caf. food a little bit more when they give you half eatten brains (veggie parmagain with pasta) and a cute hallowe'en cookie for $5.88.

HOUSE tonight, so excited... now I must finish reading

procrastinating

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 21:00:59 GMT

So my class tommorrow is cancelled and I don't really see the point in studying for my midterm that I have on thursday before Wednesday night so I am just snacking in my room.

I have concluded that I really like university life, so much in fact that I am willing to skip staying at my house altogether and just drive back here after work on friday and sunday.

I havent step on the scale yet but i think i have lost weight... and sadly my boobs have shrunk in the process

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 00:36:33 GMT

I had a photo mid-term today. Is it bad that it took me ten minutes to write and was only 25 m/c questions???

I have two mid-terms tommorrow and I have yet to study for them but they are also m/c and i am really lacking the motivation today.

Counting down the days until the weekend

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 15:39:54 GMT

So for my internet survey and research class I have to do these weekly forum posts for marks. Well this weeks theme was blogs and a girl said that blogs were good for police and doctors to see what caused someone to do something and she used the example of Gill.
I was so offended, my blog isn't meant for police and doctors to psychoanalyse me, everyone uses blogs not just people who are going off the deepend and that she shouldnt generalize like that.t I told her so in a post and now she probably wants to kick my cyber ass.

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 22:38:17 GMT

it is one thing not to PUT THE SEAT DOWN but it is quite another NOT TO FLUSH THE TOLIET

**Pretty In Pink**

procrastinating

Pretty In Pink